A Guide to a Successful Havurah
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A Statement of the Havurah
Editor's note: The following was written by Rabbi Harold M. Schulweis in
1971 when there were twelve havurot. Today, twenty five years later the
number has grown to over fifty. We have in our synagogue over 50 functioning Havurot, each of them unique, all of
them united by similar purposes. In common, each Havurah is composed of members
of the Temple who join together in each other's homes to celebrate their existence
as Jews. The Havurah seeks to translate into our lives the culture, ethic and
joy of Judaism. Each Havurah develops its own style, its own way towards this
end. The comments and suggestions that follow flow from my personal observations
of the activities of some of our Havurot. THE IMPORTANCE OF OPENNESS An atmosphere of psychological comfort is important for realizing the full
potentialities of the Havurah. None of us is an authority, an expert, a professional
in the Havurah. Each of us is in search of understanding himself as a Jew, each
of us is seeking to deepen his awareness and feeling for Jewish values. THE IMPORTANCE OF INVOLVEMENT We seek in the Havurah to teach ourselves the "hows" and "whys"
of the Jewish way. The advantage of being present at more intimate association
of Jews enables us to more fully and individually express our needs and wants
as Jews in growth. In the Havurah we learn to learn. THE IMPORTANCE OF A SENSE OF BALANCE The Havurah is not a social group, or a study group, or a social action group, or a prayer group alone. The Havurah strives toward an integrated celebration of Jewish life. Thus the
table has its place in the Havurah along with song and collective study. We
aim towards incorporating a wholeness of Jewish life. Ogranicity, wholeness
is a major Jewish passion. THE IMPORTANCE OF A COMMUNAL SENSE Valley Beth Shalom is a large community. Being part of a Havurah is a wonderful way to feel the warmth and support of a close-knit community. Membership in a havurah serves to make a large congregation more intimate and personal, adding a sense of warmth within the VBS community at large. The Havurah experiences the joy of belonging. We enter into each other's homes.
We break bread together. The anonymity of which threatens our lives is overcome.
We see in each other ourselves. Moreover, the Havurah as it matures will inevitably
expand its sphere of influence. It will affect the form and content of the Synagogue
program itself. For to participate at a Synagogue service or an adult education
program as members of a Havurah is to come with a special awareness and sensitivity
born of having experienced a more intense communal life. Thus the Temple becomes
a Havurah of Havurot--a community of communities, a family of families. The
Temple must facilitate the interchange of ideas and the interaction between
the Havurot. THE NEED FOR PATIENCE The Havurah idea is new in our contemporary society. It will have its moments
of frustration as well as its moments of exhilaration. We must learn to look
at the wholeness of the other. We must learn how to celebrate life without the
usual utilitarian motivations so pronounced in our industrial society. The Havurah brings us together and brings out the best in us. But we must be
patient with each other and with ourselves. It takes time for a group to get
to know each other beyond the superficial amenities of acquaintanceship. It
takes time to learn to relax with one another, to admit one's limitations before
each other, to recognize our frailties. But with understanding of our civilizational
heritage, our egos will grow less fragile, our meeting less remote. Above all,
the love of our people will inform our relationships with one another. In four decades in the Rabbinate I have found no way more promising for Jewish
renewal than that of Havurah. Our efforts are towards having each Synagogue
member a part of such a subcommunity. It has proven to be a transforming experience. H.M.S.
Havurah News
The following Havurot need a few more members: 1)Newly married couples under 30 yrs.-no children 2)Couples ages 25-35 with children up to 4 years old 3)Couples 35+ with children under 10 years old 4)Single Parents 5)Adults only 45-55 yrs. 6)Adults 35-45 yrs. If you are interested in joining a Havurah and fit into one of these categories, please submit the Havurah application or call for further information.
What is a Havurah?
A Havurah is a group of 10-12 couples or families or up to 20 individuals who
get together on a regular basis in members' homes to study together, to socialize
and to celebrate Jewish life. All members of the Havurah make a commitment to
the group to meet regularly once a month. What is the Advantage of a Havurah? Getting to know people in a larger congregation can be intimidating for some. A Havurah is an excellent way to become acquainted with others who have similar interests. For years Valley Beth Shalom members (especially new members) have found that by joining a Havurah they have developed an extended family at VBS. Havurah members can be counted on to both celebrate lifecycle events together and when necessary, provide comfort and support during times of sadness, illness and loss. What Kinds of Things does a Havurah Do? It's up to you! Your group can enjoy a Shabbat dinner together, have a Hanukkah party, build a Sukkah, even go camping if you're so inclined. Each Havurah determines the types of activities it wants.. some involve children, some do not. You can ask one of our Rabbis to attend your monthly meeting to discuss a variety of topics related to Jewish life. The Havurah Steering committee and the program director are available to help with programming ideas. See Ideas & Suggestions section. How is a Havurah Formed? After returning a completed Havurah application, you will be "matched
up" with others who have similar interests, backgrounds and requests. At
the first meeting of your new Havurah, a steering committee member will be there
to help break the ice, to explain about how a Havurah functions and to give
programming ideas. What if I Don't Like Everyone in My Group? In any group of that size, there may very well be one or two you can't seem
to get to know. the best advice is to stick with it! You'll be surprised what
can happen over time. Some of the Temple Havurot have been together for almost
20 years! If it's just not working out though, you can speak to the Program
Director or steering committee member about your options. How are New Members Added? If your Havurah is in need of new members, call the Temple; you will be directed to the steering committee chairperson who will assist you. You may also personally invite any temple members to be part of your group. Kindly inform the steering committee chairperson of any changes in your Havurah.
Responsibilities of Members in a Havurah
1. ATTENDANCE: SHOULD BE A PRIORITY. Planning a yearly schedule will usually
avoid conflicts.
Responsibilities of the Coordinator
1. Liaison between the Temple and the Havurah. 2. Receives mail from the Temple to be shared with the Havurah. 3. Attends coordinator meetings run by the Temple Havurah steering committee. 4. Facilitates meeting locations and program decisions. 5. Is responsible to notify Temple of changes in Havurah membership. 6. A coordinator is usually chosen in alphabetical order, or volunteers.
The Havurah Steering Committee
The steering committee consists of volunteers from the Temple
membership. 1. The chairperson or persons act as liaison between the professional staff
and the Havurot through their coordinators. It is they who are forming new Havurot
and providing responsibility for new members for existing Havurot. 2. The committee members assist in:
Ten Favorite Havurah Tips
1. Decide what you want to do and what your general goals are. They will be based on a combination of social activities, Jewish issues, holiday celebrations, etc. 2. Try and reach a consensus which satisfies the majority of people. This requires patience and "give and take." 3. Plan a schedule with dates, locations and programs in advance-at least six months, preferably a year. 4. Send out a copy of the entire schedule to each member and then send out monthly meeting cards via mail or email ten days to two weeks before each meeting with RSVP requested. 5. Fulfill your commitment to each other by doing your share. 6. Attend regularly; make it a priority. Work together to make the meetings something you look forward to. 7. TALK things over if there are conflicts, but be sensitive to the feelings of others. 8. Be sure to be represented at the Havurah coordinators meetings at the Temple. 9. Recognize the dynamics of your own Havurah and be realistic about what you do. Some groups will become real extended families; others will develop some close friendships within the group but share a common bond with everyone, enjoying a variety of experiences together; others will be united in their dedication to Judaic study. Don't compare yourselves but strive for the elements which make your Havurah special to you...with the following exception: What everyone in each Havurah should have in common is a desire to strengthen your Jewish ties and those of your family, to enrich yourself Jewishly, to reach out to other Temple members, and to enjoy! 10. Remind your Havurah of coming events of interest at the Temple and in the Jewish community. Check the Jewish press for details. Some of the events may prove to be great activities for the entire Havurah to attend together. (Perhaps one member of the Havurah may choose to research this information on a monthly basis.) Use the Shabbaton and the Shalom.
A Guide to Long Term Planning
1. PROGRAM PLANNING MEETING: Hold meeting approximately every six months. a. Brainstorm possible programs. Try to reach a consensus of ideas and activities which will satisfy the majority of your membership. For the yearly schedule, consider a combination of social, educational, cultural and religious events. You may wish to include discussions of Jewish issues, inviting a guest speaker from the Temple or community, view an interesting video tape as a prelude to discussion, attend a specific Temple function or service, etc...REMIND each member in advance to bring his/her personal calendar to this planning meeting to clear all dates. b. Divide up responsibilities for the program planning meeting; secretarial work, telephoning, refreshments, etc. c. Decide on a specific time for monthly meetings (ie: every third Sunday of the month). Plan a monthly schedule of meetings with dates, locations and program ideas in advance for at least the next six months, but preferably for one year. d. Decide who wants responsibility for each program function. This can be done by 1) alphabetical rotation; 2) interest in a specific program; 3) planning committee; 4) any other method agreed upon. e. Send out a copy of the finalized schedule of programs to each member. Include a roster of membership with directions to each home. You may also wish to include a list of members' birthdays and wedding anniversaries, etc. 2. HANDLING FINANCES Some Havurahs collect monthly or yearly dues; the amount determined by the Havurah. This could be used for speakers' honoraria, special presents, donations to honor a member, charitable functions, or perhaps to save towards a Havurah Weekend. 3. HAVURAH COORDINATORS MEETINGS The coordinator or a designee should attend Havurah Coordinators Meetings twice a year. This contact is more effective if the same person(s) can serve in this capacity for a full year rather than on a rotating basis. Coordinator Meetings serve as a clearing house for an exchange of ideas and a place to seek help with Havurah problems. There are times when your Havurah may wish to share an activity with another Havurah and this can more easily be arranged at one of these meetings. ***Successful Havurot are made up of members who make it a priority to attend all of its meetings.
Sample One Year Program for a V.B.S. Havurah
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
JANUARY
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
Sample Calendar (for Havurot with Children)
JANUARY Picnic in the park with the kids. FEBRUARY Invite a speaker, perhaps a Rabbi, for an "Adults Only" discussion on the absorption of Ethiopian Jews into Israeli society (or any other topic of interest). MARCH Attend the Temple Purim Turnabout service together and the Purim Carnival. Have a table at the Temple Havurah Shabbat. APRIL If you are ambitious, host a second or last night Passover Seder. MAY Adults only meeting to evaluate how the Havurah is functioning. (Are the activities successful? Is everyone doing their share of the work?). JUNE Beach party with the kids. JULY Saturday night BBQ with the kids. Include Havdalah service. AUGUST Shabbat Potluck dinner (you can reserve a room at the Temple) and then attend Family Shabbat services. SEPTEMBER Adults only evening. Share stories about your varied Jewish upbringings. Perhaps invite a speaker from the Jewish Genealogical Society, and/or Break Fast after Yom Kippur services. OCTOBER Build a Sukkah in a family's backyard and have dinner in it. NOVEMBER Volunteer to prepare and serve food to the homeless (Check with the Temple Ethical Action Committee for other volunteer projects.). DECEMBER Channukah party with the kids.
Discussion Triggers
Havurot are often frustrated by the futility of small talk. In an effort to
get people to reveal themselves a bit and to encourage discussion of personal
values and experiences, these topics are sure to work. Try using unfinished
sentences by going around the room asking people to complete the same sentence.
Choose one and use it for the basis of an evening's discussion. Examples are: 1. My most significant book, poem, play or person is...2. My most memorable
Jewish moment ...3. If I won a million dollars in the lottery I would...4. A
good Jew is one who...5. I hope my children remember me as...6. The Jewish Community's
most pressing problem is...
Temple Activities
Successful Havurah Activities
The following is a suggested list for Havurah activities, which is by no means exclusive. Magic Carpet - Yeminite restaurant Kosher Chinese in the Pico/Robertson area Golan kosher restaurant North Hollywood Shabbat at Tempo Restaurant
Jewish Activities
PURIM CARNIVAL Sponsor and run a booth at the carnival. A fun activity for Havurot of any
age. HAVURAH SHABBAT Attend this special Shabbat dinner and service along with our other Havurot.
This annual event has proven to be an enormous success. HANUKAT HABAYIT (DEDICATION OF THE HOME) When a member moves into a new home, have everyone bring both food and a special
wish for the new homeowners. There are several dedication ceremonies on file
- simple and meaningful. MAKING A DONATION Giving tzedakah on behalf of the Havurah can be done to honor any special simcha
or to memorialize a loss. The Temple has many funds which would appreciate your
support. Times to make a donation include: births, graduations, retirements,
recovery from illness, deaths, yahrtzeits, etc. PREPARING MEALS AFTER A FUNERAL AND DURING THE SHIVA PERIOD So that the mourners do not have to worry about providing a meal at their home
after a funeral, the Havurah can assume this responsibility (actually a mitzvah)
and be there to help relieve some of the burden. Members also provide meals
for the family during the week of Shiva. SHABBAT HOSTING FOR A BAR/BAT MITZVAH When a member celebrates a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, have the whole Havurah in attendance
on Friday night to welcome family and friends. Request Shabbat Hosting for the
dates in advance. CREATE A SIT-COM Small groups of adults and children are asked age-level questions from either
the Jewish Trivia board game or one of several Jewish trivia books available. FAMILY RETREAT Plan a weekend away at camp, rustic hotel, camping on the beach, etc. Include
Shabbat dinner, discussion groups, recreational activities and/or Havdalah.
Divide up responsibilities for organizing, programming, meals and services.
Have some activities for adults and children together and some separate. For
assistance, call upon the program director or a Havurah Steering Committee member. ROOTS Have each family trace its history back as far as possible and make a presentation
to the Havurah. Include information such as birth places, dates, name changes,
ports of entry, occupations, etc. Use a world map to plot migration patterns.
Celebrating Together
B'NAI MITZVAH This is an exciting time for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah family, whether it be the children or grandchildren of your Havurah member. Perhaps a pre- or post-celebration given by the Havurah would be appreciated, such as a Shabbat dinner or a Sunday brunch. HANUKKAH This is a wonderful time for a party, with or without children. Don't forget the latkes and dreidels! On a serious note, this holiday raises questions about the "December Dilemma" (explaining the celebration of Christmas in a secular society to a Jewish child) as well as the historic struggle of the assimilationists vs. the traditionalists. Lots of food for thought and discussion. HAVDALAH Done on Saturday night, traditionally after three stars are visible in the sky, this is a beautiful, simple and very short service marking the end of Shabbat. Song sheets in English, Hebrew and transliterated Hebrew are available. A wonderful way to begin a Saturday night program. HIGH HOLY DAYS Often the Havurah comes back together after a short summer break around holiday time. Join at a member's home after Rosh Hashanah services for dessert and to catch up with each other. Have a Havurah Break Fast on Yom Kippur, even if some of the members have local family. LAG B'OMER On the 33rd (LaG) day between Passover and Shavuot, this holiday is traditionally celebrated with a picnic, outdoor games and haircuts! A great excuse for a Havurah to have a day at the park or beach. PASSOVER Though many families have plans for a first seder, Havurot often celebrate a second or third seder together. It does not have to be a sit-down meal. Rather, decide which parts of the Haggadah you would like to include, involve children (if applicable) in preparing a skit about life in the wilderness; talk about associations Passover has for you, etc.. Be creative! PURIM Revive the practice of giving shalach manot (gifts of food) to each other and to those who are less able to enjoy the holiday, e.g. shut-ins, elderly, those in nursing homes. Spend a meeting preparing the packages of treats (don't forget the hamantashen!) and then deliver them yourselves. Discuss this tradition. SHABBAT 1. Split the Havurah up for Friday night dinner in a few different homes, then all meet together for dessert and singing. 2. Attend services together on a Friday evening or Shabbat morning. Have lunch together in a member's home. SHAVUOT 1. A perfect time for a discussion of the Ten Commandments (why not have everyone rank them in order of importance?) followed by a traditional dairy meal (Why a dairy meal?). 2. Attend the Temple's late night service and study session. 3. Festival of First Fruits (Bikurim) - go cherry picking. SUKKOT Though a great challenge, building a sukkah together is a wonderful project which really gives the Havurah a sense of accomplishment. Don't forget the decorations and a pot luck meal to eat inside the sukkah. In keeping with the customs of inviting ushpizin (symbolic guests), have everyone think of someone they'd like to invite "in spirit" to join the havurah in the sukkah and explain their choices. TISHA B'AV Observe the day of mourning.
TU B'SHEVAT As the holiday of the trees, this is the time to do some planting. A wonderful idea is for the Havurah to plant a small tree, bush or garden each year at a different member's home. Over the years, the Havurah will enjoy seeing tangible evidence of its growth. Or visit the TreePeople (on Coldwater and Mulholland) and plant saplings there. YOM HA'ATZMAUT Israeli Independence Day can be celebrated by doing anything connected with Israel, e.g. Israeli wine and cheese party, inviting a speaker to talk about an issue related to Israel, attending the Israel Festival at Rancho Park, have someone show and explain their photographs or video from a recent trip, etc. YOM HASHOAH Holocaust Memorial Day can be observed by talking with a survivor, discussing an article on a Holocaust related subject, visiting the Mar |