blogs/cantor-phil-baron

In the spirit of Purim, Cantor Fox and Cantor Baron were sitting around telling funny (not necessarily true) stories about a couple of our esteemed rabbis. Their conversation went something like this.

Cantor Fox: You know, Cantor Baron, years ago, way before your time (because you're soooo much younger than I am) I used to roast Rabbi Schulweis at the Purim Turnabout Service. It was a lot of laughs, and I really gave him a rough time. He deserved it!

My favorite opening was; “Last night G-d came to me in a dream, and He said, ‘Herschel, Herschel, Herschel (G-d likes to repeat Himself �" it makes Him sound like his idol Harold Schulweis) and I said, ‘G-d, why are you coming to me your humble servant when you could go directly to your idol?' And G-d said to his servant Herschel, ‘Not so fast, it's not so easy to get to Schulweis. I can't even get past his secretary. She told me I can't speak to him because I'm not a big giver to Valley Beth Shalom.”

Cantor Baron: Now that's funny, but I think it's time we started making fun of Rabbi Feinstein. You know, Rabbi Feinstein is also amazing. Most people know that he is a very talented speaker and speaks entirely without notes. But did you know he also sings entirely without notes?

Cantor Fox: Ha! Yes, I've noticed. Oh, I just remembered the time I told the congregation how precocious Rabbi Schulweis was. Very few people know he had his bris on the third day! He graduated Yeshivah when he was 4 ½. He graduated High School at 6! He got his rabbinical ordination at 9, but he waited to propose to Malka until he was almost 10 ½. Malkah said, “don't you think we should wait a couple of years, at least until your Bar Mitzvah,” and he said “I already had it a year and a half ago!”

Cantor Baron: Amazing. But no one works harder or is more dedicated than Rabbi Feinstein. One evening, at the end of a long day at VBS, he headed home for dinner, but decided to stop and see an elderly congregant, Mrs. Gold, who had been quite ill. He sat down in the chair next to her bed and after he had said a few beautiful words of encouragement to her, she began to talk about her day. While he was listening, he noticed a small bowl of peanuts next to her, and being quite hungry, he asked her if she would mind if he took a few of the peanuts. "No, of course not," she replied and continued talking at length about her day.  A few minutes later, Rabbi Feinstein interrupted her again and said, "Mrs. Gold, I'm sorry but I've eaten almost all of your peanuts." Mrs. Gold smiled at him and said, "Don't worry about it Rabbi, I can't eat peanuts - I just like to nibble the chocolate off them."

Cantor Fox: I know Yossi writes most of Rabbi Feinstein's speeches, but who writes your jokes?

Cantor Baron: You do.

Cantor Fox: Oh, yeah. Well since we're telling jokes, here's a story you'll like. Rabbi Schulweis told it to me, so it must be true. Rabbi Schulweis had a barber who was a tzadik �" a righteous man, and he refused to charge members of the clergy for their haircuts. That's why Rabbi Schulweis went to him, obviously. So one day a priest came in for a haircut and the barber refused to take his money. The priest was so moved that the next day he came by and brought the barber a nice gift.

Cantor Baron: Very thoughtful.

Cantor Fox: Yes. And that very day, a Protestant minister came in for a haircut and again the barber refused his fee. The minister returned the next day, also with a lovely gift for the barber.

Cantor Baron: And I suppose Rabbi Schulweis came in next?

Cantor Fox: That's right. And the barber refused to take the rabbi's money.

Cantor Baron: And did Rabbi Schulweis return the next day?

Cantor Fox: You guessed it.

Cantor Baron: And what did he bring the barber?

Cantor Fox: Three more rabbis for free haircuts.

Cantor Baron: Now that's a great story -- and I need the address of that barber. But I have to tell you some good news about Rabbi Feinstein. As you know, the rabbi has published a wonderful book called “Tough Questions Jews Ask.” What you don't know is that he is working on a sequel called “Questions Tough Jews Ask.” I snuck a peak at the Table of Contents and here are some of the chapter headings:

Chapter 1: “How'd You Like a Knuckle Sandwich?”

Chapter 2: “Did Your Mudduh Teach you to Talk Like That?”

Chapter 3: What Are You Lookin' At?

Chapter 4: Why Don't You Take a Long Walk Off a Short Pier?

Chapter 5: Are You Talkin' to Me?

Cantor Fox: You have to admit, we have some very talented rabbis here at Valley Beth Shalom.

Cantor Baron: And if it weren't Purim, we could say what we really think about them!