Rabbi Harold M. Schulweis Sermons

Selichot 2002

by Harold M. Schulweis

How do you begin?
With whom do you begin?
With what do you begin?
Where do you begin?
When do you begin?

The first word in the Torah is “beresheith,” beginning. The first word is not “God” or “world” but “beginning.” It led the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of Hassidism to declare, “The whole world is for the sake of beginning.” If there is no beginning then we are trapped in a circle in which the tenses of our lives are erased, “was--is--will be” are all collapsed. If there is no beginning then “what was will be” and “what will be already was.” Why is it so hard to begin? Because to begin is fraught with risks and unexpected consequences.

And so I prefer to let God begin or let others begin. Let Abraham, Isaac and Jacob begin. Let the rabbis begin. Let the sages begin. Me? I will follow. I will continue. I will study somebody else's texts and I will pray somebody else's prayers. Every movement within Judaism has a different beginning. Consider the Hasidic Movement which began in the 18th century and which turned Jews around toward a new direction to discover a new beginning.

The revolution counseled us to begin not from above, but from below; not from the outside, but the inside, not from the external, but from the internal. Hasidism represents a shift in direction and new beginning, not from theosophy but from psychology.

In the conventional tradition the relationships of beginning are between God and man or between man and his fellow human being. In Hasidism, the added relationship began between the self and self.

“Baym Adam l'atzmo.”

What is the difference between a Misnaged and a Hasid? A Misnaged will not lie to someone else. A Chasid will not lie even to himself.

What is the difference between a Misnaged and a Hasid? A Misnaged is afraid of the Shulchan Aruch, the book of laws, but a Chasid is afraid of violating the Image of God, the self.

Most of our lives are spent hiding ourselves from our self. Adam, after the transgression in the Garden of Eden hides and is haunted by the eternal question, “Ayecha?” “Where are you?”

Cain after he killed Abel hides from God and wrestles with the question of his self, “Am I my brother's keeper?”

Jonah, hears the voice of God and hides in the womb of the whale, hides himself from himself.

The Rizhiner, a great Chasidic Rabbi tells the story of how returning to his home one day he found his son crying in the fields. “Why do you cry, my son?” His son answered, “Because I was playing hide and seek.” His father asked, “But it is a game. Why are you crying?” “I am crying because while I was hiding, nobody was seeking.” The rabbi understood. So it is with our soul. It is hidden. It hides but no one seeks it.

Something there is in the self which wants to be discovered but is afraid of being found. Martin Buber tells of Reb Yitzchak of Vorki who in his youth had a great deal of quarrels with his wife. He went to his teacher, Reb David of Lvov and asked him, “Should I oppose my wife?” And all Rabbi Yitzchak answered was, “Why do you speak to me? Speak to yourself.” He pondered that saying and noted that the rabbi did not say “Speak to your wife.” But he said, “Speak to yourself.” And then he understood that the true conflict is not between myself and another. The quarrel is between myself and myself. Only when man makes peace within himself he will then be able to make peace in the whole world. The Baal Shem Tov said that the origin of conflict is within: I do not say what I mean and I do not do what I say.

So the great and difficult wisdom is to begin with yourself because everything depends upon you. And without the self we are like the bridegroom who came to the wedding and brought with him the ketubah, the wine, the ring, the witnesses who recited the formula “Behold thou art consecrated” – haray at mekudeshet – but he left out the crucial word “li”--to me. The essence of sanctification depends on the words “to me.”

How do you begin to pray? We come to the synagogue with nothing of our own, not our feelings, not our thoughts, not our Siddur, not our Machzor. All of these books are stamped “Property of Valley Beth Shalom.” When you come to the synagogue you will receive a lulav and an ethrog and a Sukkah. It's not yours. And not just the material culture but prayer itself does not belong to your self. You pray somebody else's prayers, to somebody's melody. And whose God is it to whom you pray? Listen to a Hassidic interpretation of a verse in Leviticus. “Do not turn to the ghosts.” The Hassidic sage said “Don't read “ovoth” – ghosts but “avoth” – fathers.” The self must not be buried in the worship of ancestors. Therefore, one of the most celebrated interpretations in Hassidism explains that the prayer that is recited Elohenu v'elohay avothenu –  “Our God and God of our fathers” must be understood to emphasize the priority of our own selves which come before the faith of our fathers.

When the teacher of Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzsk died, the teacher came to him in a dream and said, “Do not grieve. I will be your rabbi. I will continue to be your rabbi from the other world.” And Rabbi Menachem Mendel said, “No.” I do not want wisdom from a dead rabbi.” The piety must be alive. It must be passionate and it cannot be stale. Over and again the rabbis insisted that prayers must not be stale. “Frishkeit nisht frumkeit.” So the tale of the Baal Shem Tov is told. One day he came to a synagogue but refused to enter it. When they asked him why he replied, “Because it is too crowded.” “No,” they said, “there are plenty of seats.” “No, it is too crowded with prayers, dead prayers, stale prayers which fill the synagogue from the floor to the ceiling.” Dead prayers do not leave their place because they do not carry with them the liveliness of selves.

Boredom is a symptom of the death of self. A prayer which is recited only out of duty is like a debt that is paid off but to pray off a debt on three installments each day is as heavy as lead. A prayer is written and it can be recited the same yesterday as today and as tomorrow. “To pray today because you prayed yesterday is a habit that ultimately yields the emptiness of boredom.” In prayer, in human relationships, at home and in your enterprises “Begin with yourself.” It is the starting point of life.

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